RECURRING DREAM..

THIS LETTER i WROTE TO MY HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES, DISTRICT REP. DOYLE HEFFLEY..HE REPONDING TO IT AND OFFERED LOCAL RESOURCES BUT NOT LEGISLATION.

I have a recurring dream. I’m at the beach with my two children. It’s a beautiful day, the sun is warm and bright, the sounds of children’s laughter echoes off the blue ocean. I reach down and grab my 10 year old daughter’s hand as we reach the waist deep water.

While reaching for my 8 year old son’s hand, a group of boys around his age rushed by, leaving me overwhelmed with panic. I can’t find him amongst the sea of boys jumping up and down all around me. I start screaming his name, pushing children out of the way imagining his little body struggling to come up for air. I know if I can reach him, even if I find him unconscious, there’s still time to bring him back. It’s not too late.

This is the point when I wake up in a cold sweat, still feeling the terror. Interpreting dreams isn’t usually this easy. My children are actually 30 and 28. My son, who I’m desperately trying to save in this dream, is addicted to heroin.

I am the mom of an addict, not a title I asked for. I never prayed to God saying, “send me the junkie, I can handle it.” At the end of the day, everyday, I’m just a mom. I love my son with everything in my soul and even on the days I feel defeated and angry at him, I can’t stop trying to pull him out of that ocean.

It was 11 years ago when I first found him unconscious with a needle in his arm. That is the day the devil appeared in my life. Opiates are the devil, they take someone you love and turn them into someone that will lie, manipulate and steal everything you own, leaving nothing but the memories of the child that once saw you as their entire world.

My son has lied to me, stolen from me, sold my possessions and put me at risk numerous times. He drove a car into a tree breaking his neck, but failed to see how he was given a second chance at life. Addicts aren’t capable of making good decisions, yet every time I make a call to a treatment center they need to speak to him, because he’s an adult.

The hardest thing I ever did was telling my son he wasn’t welcome in my home. This was after years of my friends and family telling me that was my only option. How could a mom be required to put their child out on the street? I need to love him enough, help him stay clean, pay his fines, make sure he eats and bathes. Fast forward 10 years and I find the only peace I feel is when he’s in jail.

So 7 months ago I put him out of my home. Two weeks ago he came home, wanting to get clean. I’ve heard this before so I was optimistic, but cautious. I allowed him to stay and enjoyed having him home even though I knew he was high, but he assured me he just needed to get high one last time, again I’ve heard this before but I miss my son.

I bought some clothes at Dollar General for him and toiletries he would need for the in-patient care. Monday came and the transport to the facility arrived and surprisingly he left without an excuse or fight and I let my thoughts wander to that happy place where I picture him receiving a degree, his wedding day, his first child.

I’ve learned from experience he can’t use the phone for the first five days while in detox so later that day I called the facility to see if he made it there. I was bluntly informed he jumped out of the car not even a mile after leaving my home. I was a fool. I held back my anger and pain and started making calls to see if I could get him to treatment involuntarily. The information I received was that an involuntary hold could only be initiated for a mental health crisis. Although sympathetic to the facts I presented when I stated that his decisions put him at risk and the amount of drugs he was doing could kill a full grown elephant, it didn’t meet the criteria of a mental health hold.

This is where I’ll end my story. For now. The following is what I believe should be discussed for possible legislation. If you’re still reading this, I thank you for listening.

The current opioid crisis ranks as one of the most devastating public health catastrophes of our time. It started in the mid-1990s when OxyContin, promoted by Purdue Pharma and approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), triggered the first wave of deaths linked to use of legal prescription opioids.

Then came a second wave of deaths from a heroin market that expanded to attract already addicted people. More recently, a third wave of deaths has arisen from illegal synthetic opioids like fentanyl. Millions more are affected by related problems involving homelessness, joblessness, truancy, and family disruption.

One major conclusion is that the crisis represents a multi-system failure of regulation. OxyContin approval is one example—Purdue Pharma was later shown to have presented a fraudulent description of the drug as less addictive than other opioids. The profit motive of the pharmaceutical industry remains ever present. Care, treatment, and prevention are absolutely critical to ending this nightmare.

Currently, addiction care is separate from standard provider care and medicine. It’s met with unequal care facilities and bed space by insurance providers. Clouded by stigma, any addiction discussions are met by blaming the addicts. There are only a handful of bills currently addressing the opioid situation involving treatment. Bill 391 is the only one drafted for involuntary treatment. It’s a start but it needs more.

● Senate Bill 391-An Act amending Title 35 (Health and Safety) of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes, providing for emergency addiction treatment; and imposing powers and duties on the Department of Drug and Alcohol Programs.

I appreciate you already have a bill sponsored but your bill is more towards the criminalization of the sale of fentanyl. I think treatment over criminalization is key. Considering the Sackler family profited billions from starting the Oxycontin epidemic, Purdue Pharma filed for bankruptcy while moving money to offshore accounts, the family had to pay only a portion in the settlement and is protected from any further liability.

Fentanyl is a horrible drug and at this point of the fight, it's sought after by the long term users. My son has been an active user in all three waves of this. When he tells me about his journey I feel like these addicts and families were robbed of their lives.

He started by getting Oxycontin from his friend's mom. Once she got these teenagers hooked, she charged 20 dollars for one pill. One day she showed them a bag of heroin and said this is only 10 dollars. At 28 years old, he’s a shell of the once handsome, intelligent, young man he was only starting to become. Naloxone (Narcan) is a wonderful thing for them. I personally know there's five people alive today because I make him carry narcan in his backpack. I’m afraid the day my son overdoses, no one with him will have any to help him. The irony will kill me.

But putting my son on the street with narcan in his backpack isn’t the solution. We need radical legislation to enable the families to get our kids back. It needs to fund long term care, not the standard 30 days. It should incorporate teaching skills in becoming self-sufficient adults, maybe pushing them to volunteer with these new facilities when they complete the program.

This is a powerful drug that hijacks the whole person and makes them sick without it. They have 3 points in their existence. High, trying to get high, and dopesick. Everything else in life isn’t important. It seems exhausting. I ask him sometimes why can’t you stop? Or when you’ve been clean, why do it again? There’s not a clear answer.

Early brain function enabled a reward system to remind our bodies to do things like eating to survive. Opioids trigger the release of endorphins, your brain's feel-good neurotransmitters,they activate the same reward centers in your brain.. Endorphins muffle your perception of pain and boost feelings of pleasure, creating a temporary but powerful sense of well-being. The flood of chemicals along this small path in the brain becomes larger, and the receptors become not as easily stimulated. More of the stimulant that produces this reaction is needed.

Is it the addicts fault? People seem to think so. Honestly I think people are 100% responsible for their lives. I think the opioid epidemic is beyond the basic knowledge we have of addiction. I’ve done my share of drugs when I was young. I never tried heroin. I’m not smarter or morally better than my son. It wasn’t an option at that time. So were the generations before and after this specific time stronger people or just lucky? Lucky we weren’t the ones that became the opioid zombies, wandering around homeless, willing to do anything for the next high.

A plan for treating them would improve neighborhoods and crime rates. The millennial generation of addicts alone could jump start the economy when returning to the workforce. I believe having a solid plan and investing into the needs of treatment and recovery is capable of returning a better Pennsylvania that other states would follow. There’s finally billions of dollars being paid out from the settlements of lawsuits.

I hope you can consider sponsoring a bill or start a conversation into changing the future for addicts and the people that love them. I believe they can recover but the journey will be long. The money that is to be received in the lawsuits should be dedicated to the people that didn't last to see the change, and hopefully their lives can help change laws and reunite families.

The dream I mentioned at the beginning of this letter was obviously my brain wanting to save my son before it's too late. While writing this letter I realized the panicked feeling of possibly finding my son’s lifeless body is the feeling an addict has everyday. The loss of the high and needing to find it. My body can quickly adjust out of these feelings but an addict’s body doesn’t function that way. Feeling like that constantly would make anyone want a way to make it stop.

I don’t usually say my son’s name because I feel like I’m grieving for him. He can still be saved. My son’s name is Wyatt and I'm his mom. I hope we make it through this. Thank you for listening. Holly

I hope to start a conversation on Substance Use and how to help. I hope to convince people to have a better understanding of this, ending the stigma that surrounds addiction. I hope a real cure for our loved ones can be developed. Treatment, therapy, support, vocational training and employer participation in recovery friendly workplaces, sober living housing with medication assistance can be the start to reuniting families and improving communities. Law enforcement being involved in supporting treatment over incarceration for drug related low level crimes has been an effective program in Seattle.

I believe one thing is involuntary treatment to get the person over the obstacle of having to choose to live. I know Wyatt won’t make that choice while he’s actively using. He saved my life and I want him in my life. I want Wyatt to be well and come home.-wyatt’s mom