Spelling it out…

I wrote this Memorial Day Weekend when Wyatt showed up here saying he was ready to go to rehab. I let him stay after he agreed to this letter and I enjoyed having him home. It takes a few days to find a bed at a facility and arrange transportation.

Talking from experience, time is not on a family members side. There is a very small window of time from an addict wanting help and them actually going to rehab. The addict inside them wants to stay. I can see the changes in attitude and personality the closer it gets to getting in the car. Every excuse, every promise, anything for one more day. This particular time he jumped out of the car a block away from home after leaving.

Wyatt,
I want to give you a little time to relax and regroup, with that said…

I need to say some things and you need to listen.  I know everything I say right now you either won’t hear me, take it seriously, or care.  But the state of mind you’re in now won’t let you.  But when you beat this addiction I don’t ever want to speak to or about the addict again.  Once you take the necessary steps to get better, it will be in the past.

Wyatt I don’t want to put 1% of effort into helping you unless you’re 100% ready to try.  This is where you need to be honest with me and yourself.  Everytime I tried to make you or guilt you into rehab it failed.  I lost so much hope over the years and it affected me and our relationship.

I know you alot better than you think I do, so when you lie to me or steal it's not so much that I’m surprised anymore.  It’s 100% hurt.

Now knowing you as much as I do, this is about the point you roll your eyes, walk out of the room in a huff while mumbling something about how outrageous it is to have such mean opinions of you.  I understand what you’re feeling.  This is an uncomfortable conversation that we need to have.  It is not my intention to make you feel bad about yourself or to guilt you into changing.  A huge start we need is for you to hear me and to acknowledge that I'm hurting.

I’d like to hear how I messed up your life or how I can change to help you.

Right now I like my life and Sam treats me so well.  He cares about me.  He’s made it clear if you are here he won’t be.  We talked yesterday and he told me how much he liked you when you first came home from jail and rehab.  That’s because he met you.  Not the addict.  So he told me he’d give me time to figure out what I’m planning to do in regards to you returning home.

So it’s important for me to know if you’re serious about getting better.  I’ll give everything up to help you Wyatt, I need you to consider my life in your decision.  I won’t survive another heartbreak from you, especially when I deal with it alone.  

You have to promise to complete the full rehab time and drug testing after.  I will not walk on eggshells to protect your feelings if you treat me badly.  Your circle of friends will become non-existent.  The goal after rehab will be finding you a job and you living independently eventually.  Helping me without having to beg you and cleaning up after yourself is a mandatory requirement.  

Boundaries are a deal breaker.  Stop going in my room.  I have a camera in there now and I saw you poking around this morning.  One more time, after the hundreds of times I have told you, I will know you don’t respect what is important to me and you’ll have to leave.  Also any stealing will result in you being gone and our relationship will be over.

      So think about what I've said and if you’re ready I’ll start getting phone numbers ready.  If you’re not ready I won’t be mad but please have enough love for me and let me be happy.  I’ll always be your Mom and I will love you forever.  I always have. I always will.  I think it's time you love yourself.